5. What is the meaning of life?

 

5. What is the meaning of life? 

 

Glen Lyon, Schotland, Praying hands

 

 

What has death given you, besides all that it has taken away from you. 

LESSONS TO BE LEARNED

You are healed when you can think about the person who has died without violent emotional movements.  You start living in the present again, making plans for the future and enjoying what you have.

Welcome back to the world of life and love!

AM I GOING TO GET BACK TO FULL LIFE AND ENJOY MYSELF? That's allowed!

(You always have a choice: Do I go for it again, or do I get stuck in my negative emotions, sadness, pain, fear, anger.)

There is no right or wrong!!!

You will never forget the deceased. He/she will forever have a place in your heart. 

 

Ask yourself:

1. What are the benefits of being alone!!!!

2. What would you like right now?

3. What do you need?

4. Where can you get this?

 

Seek support where you still need it.

 

You are going to rearrange your life, listen to your inner voice. We cannot "own" anyone. 

 

The past sometimes provides a full bag of garbage; You may throw it away, otherwise it starts smelling.

Close your eyes, think of all the negative thoughts and painful memories, put them in the garbage bag and throw it away.

Or buy a helium hot air balloon and let it float away with everything in it that you still want to let go. Fare well!

 

You have choices about where you put your energy. Take advantage of these. Do you dwell on the past, or do you move on with your life.

When your deceased loved one is still on your mind after about a year, you can try the following: 

 

1. Meditation: Relax. Pick up your loved one and take him/her on your back all day long, in everything you do. Do you feel how tiring that is, how much it demands of your strength? Gently put him/her down, say goodbye deeply and lovingly, turn around and leave. It's okay to cry.

Repeat this until it no longer affects you emotionally and you can easily leave him/her in a loving and warm environment. Where you can always visit each other again.

 

2. Or write a letter to your deceased loved one: What else I wanted to say to you...... Express your feelings that are still on your mind.

You live NOW. Try to let go of the past and the future. You are more than the wife or husband, the parent or partner of the deceased. You are alive and kicking. Look at your whole life, not just one piece. Look at what's happening in the world.

Is your glass half empty, or half full? 

3. Stage manager: If you are depressed one day, think: What am I doing, what am I feeling, what am I thinking, what am I saying. Are they positive or negative? When you redirect one of these four energies into positive actions, feelings, thoughts, or words, the rest will come along.

This allows you, as a stage manager, to keep control of your own life. You decide!

 

4. Do grab your notes from day 3 The Quadrant. What did you write there?........

And how does your flag look now? What has changed?........ 

 

 Create a balance in the quadrant between the elements:

 Physical

 Emotional

 Mental

 Spiritual

 

Throughout life, we all get scratches on our souls, scars. No one can escape that. We can't avoid them.

You can think about what you can learn from these trials so that you can find a way to a fulfilling life. If you can do thàt, you're purified. They are our life lessons. And you have taken another step and are an experience richer.

If you can't let go, but hold on to the beyond, you won't find a new fulfillment in your life.

 

Promises on a deathbed can be disastrous.

What's that like for you? Don't live too rigidly in the spirit of the deceased. Enjoy for two!

 

5. Take a sheet of paper, your notebook and make a list with 2 columns:

In the left column, write down all your thoughts, your actions, your feelings of one day.

After that, see if these were positive or negative energies. Add a + or a – behind it.

Where you have put a – sign: write in the right column, how you can turn theses thoughts, words, actions or feelings around into a more positive approach.  (Remember: I can do it, I want to, and I do it.) By consciously looking at yourself in this way, you can change yourself to a more positive stream of thoughts. 

 

6. Be kind to yourself. Try to keep your rhythm of life as much as possible. Don't neglect your health. Eat well and exercise regularly. What are fond memories in your life? Put things into perspective.

 

7. Life has the purpose that you give to it. What is your purpose in life?........ Who do you want to be?.......

 

8. You deserve to experience the meaning of your life again and to enjoy your life again.

 

Grab your notebook again.

Write down another 10 things you enjoy doing.  These can be small things like 1. Sit down and drink a cup of tea or coffee. Or 2. Standing under the hot shower singing. 3. Going to the movies or theater. 4. Walking in nature. And so on.

Life = change. Walk on, even through hell, don't stay put. But don't run, look around you. Take the time to process step by step bit by bit.

Keep on a never-ending journey! Those who resist change, freeze. In other words, it is necessary to keep developing, to evolve. You will always be connected to the deceased through your love. To stay vital, it is meant to be to go with the flow of change.

From time to time you will still have sorrow and pain. Nothing can completely remove that damage. But the memories of the deceased and, I believe, through my own losses, my experiences at the Hospice, meditations and books, the soul of the deceased lives on.

Imagine: What would it be like for the deceased if he/she could see how the separation affects you?

And how would you react if you had left the earth earlier and the other person had stayed behind? Wouldn't you wish the other person would be happy without your immediate presence?  

 

ACTION PLAN - Self-realization

1. Life course 0 – 90? Take your notebook and draw a long line. Divide that line into 10-year chunks

10, 20, 30, 40, 50 and so on. What kind of memories have you gained in your life? Write these down. Were they fun, or not so nice experiences? Add a plus or minus. 

 

Take a look at old photo books if you have them. As a result, memories can come back faster.

And also look at the years you probably have left here on earth. What else would you like to accomplish? What haven't you gotten around to yet?

2. Look back on your life, what have you done, what have you not done, what have you wished you had done, what is your life's work? Ask yourself: who am I, what do I want, what can I do, what things are valuable. What do I want to say yes or no to. (Saying no to someone else is saying yes to yourself!)…….

3. What kind of fun things would you like to plan for the coming year?.......

4. What do I want to do with my life  /  work? Where am I now and where do I want to go?.......

5. What are my qualities, what am I good at. What have I already achieved? What did I actually want to achieve? I'm going to try to make that happen……..

6. Make time for yourself. Then you finally get around to things that there was no room for before.

7. What are your desires/needs/wishes?.........

8. Do you have frustrations; What is the background to this…….. How do you solve them?.......

9. What does your social network look like, find out who is important to you……..Who do you have daily/weekly/monthly contact with…….. Talk to them to get support. Or make new contacts, for example through a (line)dance club, cycling club, walking club, sports club.

10. Start doing new things, making new memories; You can turn a page of your book of life. For example: look for volunteer work.

11. Start living a little more in the present, rather than in the past or in the future. In that case you can feel and listen better to yourself.

12. Self-confidence: Can I trust myself, ask yourself a question and wait for an answer from your inner guidance (your intuition)……..

13. Self-esteem: Can I appreciate myself?....... What could I do to improve?.......

Build in moments of silence every day: that brings peace, overview, access to energy, brings you to yourself, your intuition, inspiration, knowledge and healing.

Stay in your center, (ground yourself, stand or sit in the eye of a hurricane), there you will find peace, away from the chaos in the world.

14. Midlife crisis = a second (psychological) birth, where you can open yourself up to inner development opportunities. Up to the age of 45, you are more outward-looking.

15. What are you grateful for?.......

 

Take small steps that can help you move forward with your life without your loved one. (My grandfather would say, "not a hand full but a country full," when a childhood sweetheart had passed. It put things into perspective and brings a smile on our faces.) Of course this can not be compared to a marriage of 50 years behind you.

A new life awaits you and the future will bring you a lot.

Treat yourself to small pleasures: a cup of tea, a bunch of flowers, a nice bath/sauna, good food.

Help someone else who is down in the dumps. 

The grief is never completely over. A shadow (scar) remains.

One day you hear yourself singing, laughing again. You can concentrate better, your mind wanders less. You are less entangled in your emotions, in fact, you can transform them. You can experience life as deeper and richer. Enjoy. You've worked hard for it!

 

Believe in yourself: Don't judge yourself in good or bad. Open yourself and make use of your qualities (such as love, gentleness, compassion). Look in the mirror, see who you are: Good morning tiger Emiel Ratelband would say. What kind of nice thing would you say to yourself? It makes you stronger! 

 

Time does not heal wounds. People heal wounds. Time is only healing if the grieving person has used it to give grief a place, instead of denying it, pushing it away or postponing it.

 

When you're all done with it, you can burn your notes if you want. It is then a closed chapter in your life that you leave behind, as you move on.  

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