1. What is grieving? - Healing a very deep wound!

 

Gaining insights into what happened to you

 

1. What is grieving? – Healing a very deep wound!

Only rest, attention and loving care over time can bring healing to your deep, painful, spiritual wound.

Mourning is a process of change, in which you overgrow unpleasant experiences.

You'll never be the same again. And there is always a scar left behind, which every now and then reminds you of what happened. 

 

 

A crisis brings you to your own core and sheds light on aspects of life that you wouldn't otherwise look at!

 

The mourning will be as heavy as the love was strong. It takes courage and dedication to overcome your loss.

The feelings that flood you, now that you have suffered a loss, deserve your attention.

You can only transcend your grief if you are willing to experience it, to allow it as part of life.

You have fallen out of your familiar world, you are lonely and seek reassurance from the presence of someone else.

You may not be able to tolerate any more tension because your nerves have been overloaded for a while.

 

Remember:

The bond of love with your dearly departed will ALWAYS exist! 

 

In addition to the loss of your loved one, grieving is your own grief, your abandonment and desperation. Sadness for the positive that was, and maybe sadness for the negative that was not resolved.

In the case of a deceased father or mother, children (temporarily) miss both parents, because the remaining parent becomes so different from what he/she was, and is also going throug a grieving process. 

 

It is useful to ask yourself: Write in your notebook

1. What have you lost?.......

  (The soul is eternal, death is birth to another state of being)

2. What kind of relationship did you have with ....................  your deceased/your partner?.......

3. Were you aware that he/she meant so much to you?.......

4. If not, why is that?.......

 

It's okay to cry! The tears you cry, will heal you and renew your life. The only changes that can still take place are taking place within you.

Laughter: you may also have positive emotions during your grieving process. Laughing is healthy! With that, your stress hormones disappear!

 

Questions that we will look at together in the following blogs are:

a) How can you accept your loss?

b) What is bothering you at this moment (in your stomach)?

c) How do you process your feelings of anger, sadness (for what is past and will not come back), pain, jealousy, love, guilt (certain things may never have been expressed).

d) How do you let go of these feelings? 

 

If you're always running around, you can lose yourself.

Feelings have a function, don't hide them! They are allowed to be there. Sooner or later, they will look for a way out. Often, unprocessed feelings get stuck in your body, reminding you that they're still there. Feelings that flood you now that you've lost a loved one, deserve your attention.

You can only transcend your grief if you are willing to experience it, to go through the pain.

Because what you continue to resist stays, and what you look at and process, disappears!

 

Worries / wishes (pick up your notebook again and write it down)

What are your worries? Write them all down  …………………………….

 

Behind every concern, there is a wish.

What do you need? ………………….

Where can you get that? ………………..

 

Questionnaire: (notebook)

To get a better understanding of your situation, it is good to make the following assignment:

1. What is your experience of loss, who was involved?.......

2. What happened?.......

3. What were your reactions: negative and positive?.......

4. What were you advised to do, and what díd you do?.......

5. Who was supported you the most?.......

6. Did anything happen that made it extra painful?.......

7. What can you learn from this experience of loss?.......

8. What frightened you about this experience of loss?

9. What makes it easier for you now?.......

10. Have you experienced previous loss experiences?....... How old were you and how did you react to that?.......

11. How has your life experience?.......

12. How do you get through your day?....... 

 

Give yourself time to think about it and feel with empathy ..............

 

Short-term suggestions in case of numbness / shock – Choose what suits you:

1. Be kind to yourself. Reschedule appointments that increase tension.

2. Your mind is elsewhere – be careful when driving (read the leaflet for medication!)

3. Prepare your activities (a film with a death or divorce = extra poignant).

4. Take your rest every day. Mourning = hard work.

5. Choose friends who can listen and are understanding.

6. Don't do too much in a day. You have less energy.

7. It's not a normal time. Accept your thoughts, your feelings, and actions, no matter how crazy they may seem.

8. Find a way to help yourself – support every day/week. For example: go to your doctor for a consultation;  therapist;  Have lunch with your mom and dad, or another family member, a close friend or neighbors.

9. Do everything that is positive and relaxing for you. Such as reading, listening to music, walking.

10. Seek out nature.

 

Be alert when  

                  1. Persistent confusion

                  2. No self-confidence

                  3. Talking about all kinds of things without                             emotions

                  4. Persistent anger, guilt, sadness, etc.

 In that case, go to your GP, who can refer you.

 Find a holistic therapist!        

 

 

FAMILY MOURNING

You can't support your family members as you would like. It is true that if you have a weak moment, another person can be strong at such a moment.

You see your children/partner suffering and want to pull the cart, until you notice that the cart is too heavy for yourself.

It can be difficult for children that their parents are out of control. They are unable to avert the loss.

Everyone grieves in their own way; one wants to go to the grave, the other doesn't want to;

One wants to look at pictures, the other doesn't.

Everyone has his/her own relationship with the deceased. It is good that you give each other space for this.

There is no one way of dealing with loss. 

 

Social support

Take a look in your family, friends and acquaintances network: Who can you turn to for emotional support, practical help and support with the adjustment that the loss of your loved one requires?

 

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Widows are in the majority. Women are more likely to seek help and show their emotions. Men are reluctant to show their sadness. Women have a generally a larger social network. Men are more problem-solving. Women are more concerned with emotions and daily household chores (in addition to their paid jobs). In traditional life, men have more to lose. A man often hides his feelings and grieves inwardly.

40% of widows indicate that they have seen the deceased in one way or another (whether or not in a dream), felt or heard it.

What is your experience in this? (Notebook).......

Your 

1. Body

2. Mind/Spirit

3. Emotions/Feelings

4. Intuition/Premonition

need to be balanced.

 

What in therapy or self-healing is all about is:

TELL YOUR STORY and go with it to your pain, which can be healed by paying attention to it, by dealing lovingly with it!!

YOU NEED TO TELL YOUR STORY!

(Said Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, psychiatrist and grief expert, founder of the first Hospice house in the Netherlands)

As often as you want and until you're done with it. 

 

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